I’ve closed the doors and sealed them shut
I refuse to open them and see reality
I’m fine being in the dark
I haven’t tasted tears like this years the kind that start in your stomach and brim over your eyelashes like waterfalls
The kind that make your head pound like a jackhammers hitting concrete and your throat feel like someone’s hands are wrapped around so tightly that you think maybe they’re trying to help constricting my air so that maybe sanity has room in my body
Maybe it wouldn’t hurt as bad
Maybe then, This wouldn’t hurt as bad
Without air my ribs would stop contracting and my body would go numb from head to toe
So, then , maybe I wouldn’t feel this hole as much
It wouldn’t be eating me from the inside out slowly as if trying to torture me
A parasite that’s managed to feed of my feelings feverishly
This holes so deep and only growing bigger, I fear one day it will devour my whole heart
That day there will be no pain, because it will have been eaten and done with
Or maybe I could stop it beating,  pounding like a constant reminder
You.
Are.
Alone.
Maybe if I stop my heart from pounding at my door , maybe if I lock it tight , every lock I have and maybe they’d go away these feelings I‘ve had
Maybe they’ll retreat once they notice  I never put out a welcome mat