a counselor once told me I had abandonment issues

so i have dreams of this guy shoving his tongue down
my throat like a dart and it makes me s c a r e d of the
things     I can't see in people,      unable to discern the
true intentions      in the  b e d r o c k  of their   heart    
because I don't excavate men anymore (at least that's
what I will tell myself) and I've only e v e r had boys
for toys, people who  give  me their strings for play
things. endearing but emasculating, the two things
i've aspired to be and I guess I'm just   terrified   of
not having control, of being the lowest block on the
totem pole with you can leave me dangled over my
head, you can leave me, you can leave me, you can

leave me.