"This driveway is an endless *******."

"When you're gone, I won't have a maid, gardener, or dog walker."

"BE KIND TO THE PLANET."

Who here has clothes on?
"I do officer!"

"I swear all the people over 300 pounds go to Costco on Saturdays just to get the free samples. Then they walk down the middle of the aisle: they're so wide you can't get past them."
Note to self:
don't get fat
or the master will
make fun of you

Whilst watching Jeopardy:
"Bet it all *****."

**"I'm really not that funny..."