I am in this world as a stranger
I do not speak it's language
It is all gibberish to my ears and this world simply does not understand my look of curiosity, it does not understand my silence
I have been trying to learn how to speak with its tongue
However I find myself only tying knots inside of my mouth
I want to be a part of this soil
Want to dig my roots into it, I want to taste rain
I feel as if I am a seed that no one wants to put in the ground
For fear of bitter fruit sprouting from it
They say, that when you get hit, to turn the other cheek
The people who tell you this are not implying that they were hit again, nowadays people only turn their cheeks to look the other way
My mother told me, "you must never begin your story with the weather"
I never imagined this would be hard to do until I found myself sleeping outside
My life is only a story of bad timing
Coincidence that I was here or there
Bad luck they say, that's all it is
I am trying to believe this but how can I trust something that I have never touched, never held, never experienced
They will tell you their story of how it was all turned around
And still I sit there, trying to decipher these words
I simply cannot speak this language
This language of joy and peace
It seems that it is a sunny day in everyone's garden except for mine
Sometimes, I think of destroying my greenhouse
This body I once saw as a temple now only a cult gathering place, they mock the every thing I was built for
The irony of it is more enticing than the end of the story
No one is going to miss these battle grounds
They have moved on from what was there before
It seems as if they are already making new blue prints for a new building where I once stood
I do not even deserve a memorial
I have been trying to learn this language
But each word gets stuck in my throat
I have forgotten how to articulate correctly
I swear that I'm trying
I just cannot manage to abandon my own skin
I promise that one day I might look like you
I will paint over every curve and edge of my body
Re-floor, re-decorate, I will change
If only that means you won’t look at me
Like I am an intruder