It all started with you telling me to close my eyes and that you have a little surprise for me.
We were laying in your bed with dim lights on and you grabbed my face and kissed me yet i kept my eyes closed because if i opened them holy shit i would've seen the mistake i made and it would've dragged me into a self made hell i made in my imagination that was leaded by you
yet that hell would've been the only place where i felt comfortable so i opened my eyes and kissed you back to know what kissing a snake felt like
sometimes when i look at you i get chills down my body knowing that i love you but i wish i didnt
when i kissed you i closed my eyes wondering if what we had or would have one day is real
when i kiss your lips i start trembling but fuck i cant help but kiss you
when i was at home alone you texted me
"hey im on my way to your house lets drive around"
we drove around talking about how big the universe is and how we're not alone and blah blah blah
then i was silent for about 20 seconds and you parked your car downtown and no one was around and you looked me in the eye and said "i love you"
i looked at you while you looked at me and said i love you too
and in my head i thought i wish i didnt
it was a week or two later we were driving to a restaurant and we held hands as you drove and your car went out of control and went off the bridge
i woke up a day later in a hospital bed with you in the bed next to mine but when i called your name something seemed a miss
your body was covered except for your hand which was hanging on the side and when i held it you were cold and i found out i was the only one who survived
at your funeral i laid a rose on your casket and told you i loved you but i wished i didnt