sometimes i miss the touch of your hands that run through my hair.. i miss the way you laugh at me when i swear.. i miss those times when you and i were just unaware of anything but ourselves.. i sing a poem for you.. for me to be able to bear the despair.. sometimes i still say i love you even it hurts most of the time.. but what i do is no crime.. im starting to clean the dirt and grime thats rotting in my mind.. creating rhymes to pass the time.. why is it that  always have to suffer? my whole life has been rougher.. yeah, i know these things have made me tougher.. but now that youre gone, i dont even have a buffer to save my thoughts that are still blurred by who you've become.. you see, i miss the days where it was just you and me.. pushing forward just so we'd be happy.. singing songs even if we were ******.. still seeing each other knowing i was snappy.. i guess after seven years, things change.. feels like having a mobile phone thats out of range.. i find it strange how our lives are now arranged.. thinking i must be out of my mind, deranged.. like a wild dog trapped in a cage.. this is  why i pour my rage on this stage.. wanting to place this insanity on this page..  wanted to write something out of this world.. but this is how this is how this unfurled.. thinking my mind must have left me totally swirled.. i miss those days we were carefree.. seeming like either one of us is a retiree.. but i know i was never a guarantee.. all i knew was to love thee.. to show you what love really meant.. needing nothing but each other, not even a cent.. im not quite sure where all of that went.. suddenly all you felt was discontent.. and all i did was ask myself to represent..to represent something i believed in.. i shared with you what i thought was the best of me that i couldnt segment.. i fixed everything except this dent.. carving a deep hole thats wide enough to pitch a tent.. things were empty for me since you left.. feeling like ive been involved in a theft.. sometimes i miss waking up with you right beside me.. the warmth of your heart was enough to make me feel ecstasy.. but now i find myself alone and  starting to like it.. learning about myself just for the hell of it.. pushing pens out my arms just cause the world is full of ****.. once again i take a hit.. a good **** to avoid my mind being split.. staying away from you cause i got the hint.. drinking a pint just so my world wont get bent.. writing this poem so my soul wont get spent.. so i tuck my head down.. pen in hand, thought in head, spit on page.. halfway through i close my eyes to see what lies beneath this broken spirit.. seeing fires burn where your place used to be.. trying to drown this fire so i can feel free.. fighting off demons and banshees.. thinking of where to go when im out at sea.. oftentimes i thought of you as a burden.. piercing me with the sharpest blade you own.. which was yourself, a clone.. bashing my heart and spirit with a sharp stone.. feeding me with lies, thinking it was a bone.. now though, i really dont know.. unsure if what im feeling is that fire or the snow.. so i close my eyes and go with the flow.. waiting for an attach from this foe.. dodging sharp arrows like a pro.. im thinking to myself that i have to go.. to a place where people will teach me how to grow.. now i know i have to thank you for opening up another path for me to take.. singing a tune cause i know this aint fake.. riding a boat across the lake.. starting to feel better knowing i dont need to punch on the break.. never looking back, cause everything right here and now is really what's at steak..

pauldeeeeee
3apr2011