sometimes my mind is left to wonder.  why the universe gives me a taste of something so perfect that it goes asunder.  i have found what can leave my mind to ponder.  collapsing my heart with the strength of a roaring thunder.  my depression seeps in quite slow.  walking away just to deliver that final blow.  finding out that this is all about a certain kind of flow.  and yet all i wanted to see is your glow.  now that youre not around, the spaces you filled feels so hollow.  now all i have for certain is this sorrow.  im someone who doesnt fit within the status quo.   i know that.  all wanted was to see us grow.  to have the feeling that no one else can borrow.  but this is too much to ask.  now i have to put on my mask.  hiding what i feel just to complete the task.  packing my bags and filling up my flask.  i guess i ask too much.  nevertheless, all i wanted was your touch.  a sweet embrace that could remove the hurt in my mind.  do understand though, i dont need you to be kind.  but no matter where i look, it is you i find.  theres something about you that left me feeling like magical spells have me in a bind.  now it seems like you want to leave me behind.  now im left with my daily grind.  hustling these empty streets, praying that people would be unkind.  something that leaves me blind.  blood runs through my skin.  feeling like throwing my soul in the trash bin.  i know i can be the perfect example of sin.  blasting through life just to strengthen my chin.  but since youre away today, it feels like ive lost my next of kin.  i drove around just to take myself for a spin.  im going nowhere but this is where i begin.  this is where i can release my pain within.  sometimes i dont understand how you think.  making my mind explore being on the brink.  i stop my drive and stare into infinity without needing a drink.  while i stare, my eyes do not blink.  wishing that today was the day i got new ink.  but it did not happen.  i now feel my mind shrink.  placing every thought down the sink.  trying not to let you feel my stink.  im only human after all.  and sometimes i cant help but get hurt and think.  i guess what im trying to say is that this is how i feel when i start missing you.  making me realize the feeling i have is strong and true.  now what do i do?  i cant help but feel stuck to you like glue.  i tried to do something new.  something like jumping pointlessly like a kangaroo.  but this didnt help.  i tries singing a song, too.  but what i sing, is still about you.  now it's just me and the microphone, trynna chill here in the twilight zone.  here i am fully grown, fighting to stay strong and not to moan.  so i light my homegrown, to make me not care about being alone.  so i sit here on my own, writing this poem so i dont have to mind my phone.  right now my heart feels like it needs a clone.  something that will make me run around again.  like a dog without a chew bone.  as i take a while to finish this poem, i realized that my soul is not built like a stone.  it would break and crumble like being hit my a cyclone.  this feeling is new to me.  missing someone that wants to be set free.  leaving you alone is now part of my responsibility.  but no matter where you go or what you do, i will still be enduring this ride, with humility.  fighting along side you is now a joy for me.  cause i know that as long as you can smile at me, ill always let you be. only thing is, i still have to learn how to set you free...

pauldeeeeee
6jun2011