well
yesterday


you wiped my slate clean
i was reborn.
baptized


in a lake of sweat and happiness and tears.
mostly
your tears.

my ducts have been dry for days,
for days
days.
i had forgotten how to cry.
i turned myself off from feelings

to save myself from the pain of losing him.
but i still feel it.
little pangs, here and there.

and i hope you understand, because i can't help it.
i can't remember the last time i felt something other than content

when did i last feel pain?
mourning
grieving is hard work
and i'm too lazy to be sad about
anything, really.

i want something to tear my lips off
and pluck out my eyelashes

or run over my kneecaps with a truck

so i can feel connected to my own pain.


like i used to be
when i was 13
and suicidal

but at least i was human