our kings
our queens
our shoulder angels
they all LIED to us,
THEY SAID IT WOULD BE JUST FINE.
oh, breathe.
take in words that mean nothing.
heavily broken and all i want to do is
CLOSE MY EYES.
my bones are shattered
my very FRAME crushed under the weight these faces put upon me.
i am caught in a butterfly net
struggling for air.
imagine me sighing.
because that is what i am now.
EXASPERATED.
i do not know how to be angry.
so it would seem, i slip to and fro
very much suffocated by Bitter and Sad.
they mock me, i fear.
Bitter flares up in me, tickling my throat
mean and sarcastic to say the least.
She laughs, "WHY CAN"T YOU GET ANGRY?!
THAT IS WHAT YOU ARE, IS IT NOT?"
I feel a small heat in my gut.
retaliate.
but then Sad slinks around my waist, slippery and cold.
come back.come back.come back.
no, no witty comeback.
just coming back to the UNBRAVE CAVE.
i think i resent sad for her ability to pull me away with her clammy eyes.
but i come.
these promises fall like rain and i remember when you said
ITS JUST A WORD.
i'm talking in my sleep.
dreaming of things that should taste sweet
but are bitter in truth. another mockery, i'm sure.
WORDS LIE beneath sheets of paper.
i tilt my head back, look to the sky where
GOLDEN LEAVES
SILVER FEATHERS
fall like snow, gracing the trees.
feel me sigh again, heavy.
my fingertips are cold, sick. tracing lines over my skin.
searching for a pocket where closure could lie hidden.
i'm running in circles, forgetting every day a little more.
fading. stuck in this disconnect, in limbo,
BURIED ALIVE.
rollercoaster dreams.
it would seem there is no closure for those who do not know how to be angry.