if I knew that was the last night you'd touch me, the last time I'd hear you say my name with traces of love and regret in your voice, the last time I'd have the pleasure of holding your hand or kissing you with cracking lips I would've held on longer. I would've kiss you harder, more passionately. I would've left my heart on your lips and my fingerprints on your neck. I would've held you in a way that made her body feel like your worst childhood memory. if we had more time I would've told you everything. I shouldn't have been scared to love you, I shouldn't have wanted to take you from her but ****, laying on my floor wrapped in your arms made me believe in God. it made my worst fears fade and my eyes shine. before you, I never let anyone in. I know you were hers and in a sense, always will be hers, but admitting that I wanted you that night was the best decision I've ever made. staying up all night, with our bodies inching closer together was the most intimate situation I've ever been in. Intimate in a way that made me feel naked, even though neither of us would dare to take our clothes off because we were too scared of someone finding us. I looked at you and I didn't have to feel insecure that you were looking back. I'd like to believe that you loved me the same as I to you, but we both know that isn't the case. I know you're wrapped up in her, but the moments you were mine were breath taking.  those moments made me whole, watching you love her is what broke me.