Tears streaming down my face
The pain in my chest more than I can bear
As the addiction tries to get a tighter hold of me
It becomes even harder to resist
The alcohol
The cutting
Everything
I feel empty on the inside
It's like I'm in a pitch black room
There's a lot of bright furniture and it is very colorful
But you can't see any of it
That's what the depression does
I have positive emotions
But all I feel are the negative
Or none at all
On the rare occasion light shines through
And I can somewhat feel
But it does never last long
And when it goes away it becomes even darker
Alcohol gave false light
Made it as if I could see when I couldn't
Cutting made me forget why it was dark to begin with
But it lasted an even shorter time
The darker it gets the more suicidal I become
All I want is to be able to let light shine through
Theoretically I mean
I just want to be able to cope with how I feel
Be able to get through each day without having a breakdown
Be able to sleep without waking up even more depressed
Without waking up crying my eyes out
I'm tired of faking my emotions to people
To the people I care about especially
For me to be an alcoholic at such a young age
It's a horrible thing
My life is really messed up currently
I'm trying everything in my power to get back on the right path
Currently I'm over 40days sober
It's a hard journey to go through
I'm fortunate enough to have people help me
But it always seems like the people I want most to be there never are.
My depression is so deep-rooted now
After 6 years of residing in me
It's almost impossible to get rid
But I'm trying every day
Not for me
But for the ones I love
Because no matter how bad I feel
The people I care about
Will always mean the world to me