I lost my smile
when the sun shines
and the bird sings
and the trees blossom
and the flowers grow--
I cannot find it in myself to be amused
at their struggles.
I am overdosed on melancholy
so that I cannot split
my mouth apart into even a
parody of a grin
with blood oozing over my teeth
and yellow tears leaking from my eyes.

I lost my smile
in the cornfields of Ohio,
each tooth falling out one
by one
with each painful word
muttered by your foul breath,
like an icepick taken to my jaw.

I lost my smile
in the ceaseless beating of the waves
in the grey ocean in Carolina
when the gulls were crying over something dead
and the jellyfish were swarming,
electrifying my still heart
that just wouldn't stay still.

I lost my smile
in the humid afternoon
on the sidewalks of Florida
when my hair wouldn't lie flat
and the alligators were breaching the banks
of ponds in golf courses
and I realized that you were dead.