It was the only year that I got fat

From eating chocolate bars that my mother bought with the left over EBT cash

That way when she did my laundry

she could get mad about the

Chocolate stains on my sleeves

So I ate until I got sick

And bled until I passed out

It was the year that hangs heavy in the hallows of my heart

The same year of my second suicide attempt

You should know this

I know the crash of the gallows hangin’ from your shoulders

Sends thunder through your ears

I know the angel that’s supposed to sit on the other

Looks like a gargoyle sometimes

I know there are days where

You freeze up

Locked in place until someone finally touches you

There were words trapped underneath my skin

So I cut them out

So I could finally makes sense

Of the irregular morse code of my heart beat

There were words comin’ out of my mouth

Always the wrong words

So I tried to lasso my throat shut

What you should know is

There will always be days where gravity tries to trap you here

It’s why I ring doorbells all the time

My angel needs its wings

I want your angel to have its wings

This year

This is the year that

I find the words

To explain to you what my heart’s been sayin’

The year the gallows no longer crash

The year my angel gets its wings

If you didn’t know this before

You are so perfect

You are so amazing

Your smile is amazing

On the days you are happy to see me

I swear I could take your cheeks sailing

We never needed the words

To explain what my heart's been saying

At any given moment

As long as I am breathing

There’s a guy

Thumbin’ doorbells as desperate as impatience

Teary eyed and trembling

Just trying

To get you back your wings