i hate that i sleep with my phone's sound all the way up just in case you call

i hate that i always have one eye on the top right corner of my laptop, waiting to see if a message from you will appear

i hate that i gave you a special ringtone and trained my heart to leap at its tune, even when it's playing on someone else's phone

i hate my call history because it's filled with your name accompanied by dates increasingly too long ago

i hate that i showed you my favorite songs and now all i hear is your voice carrying the tune

i hate that my mind can't stay off the subject of you, that even my subconscious dream world casts your shadow

i hate that the definition of words now carry imprints of your lips, somehow weighted by our conversation

i hate that i see your smiling face when the cherry blossoms blow in the wind and imagine the joy you'd find in its petals

i hate that good photography makes me think of you and i immediately want to send it your way

i hate that every pristine sky and heavenly display begs me to send you a photo

i hate that i showed you my black ink smudges, the dark little secrets i keep hidden inside

i hate that i've known you for five weeks and i've already fallen. but now it seems you either fell down a different *****, or chose to keep climbing this precarious mountain, while i plummeted, ignoring the signs that read, "danger, cliff close ahead".