I'm still trying to figure it out.
I don't know if I'll ever get a handle on it.
Some days I think I've got it,
and then I look in the mirror and see I was wrong.
Am I the good girl, the always there for you girl?
Or the cold heartless ***** who takes care of herself?
The driven woman, that conquers her dreams?
Or the coward who crushes under her fear?
I have no idea. Sometimes I'm all at once. Sometimes none.
Am I the girl that can handle juggling all the men?
Or am I the girl who wants just one?
Do I even want any?
Am I the girl that has meaningless ***? The feel good girl?
Or am I the girl that is willing to wait for intimacy?
I can't make up my mind.
One moment I'm fine alone, perfectly content to my life of solitude.
The next... the next I want to be held. And I don't care by whom.
I scare myself sometimes, with these things I do.
I lead an impulsive life and I can't keep up with it.
I can't sort out the feelings in my head.
I can't make sense of any of it.
I'm losing a race against myself and I don't know what is at the finish line.

At least tonight I learned one thing.
I am not the girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend.
No matter how lonely I am, I will never be that girl.

*or at least I really hope not