I remember you from a past life..
whence too many questions occupied my mind. Back when fun was all that mattered,
and tears ran freely down my face.
Far before I found the courage within myself to know, to intuit, which fork in the road led home.

I don't miss you, I can't.

Because I know what it's like to miss you,
And simply..
I don't deserve that kind of punishment.
Anymore.
I have suffered enough.

Do you know what 'asceticism' is?

It means..
To abandon everything you know,
and love, willingly.
To embark on a journey,
in search of your Self.
To return, a different man,
to a different place.
A mere walking,
and a mere becoming.

It's chaotic, for a man without faith.

To have done
what I've done.

To have felt what I've felt.

Time really does wait for no one.

You see..
A man does not attain the highest goal,
or awaken the Supreme Truth within himself in a habitual habitat. All the Sages pointed in the same direction, and my heart was drawn; Twas my calling to become.
Twas like magnets to the metals in my blood.

They said:
"Search, and you will find."
So I did, and I have found my purpose,
if that means anything to you.


To move, is to live. To remain static is death;
One of many affirmations
I've asserted, and adhere to.

I'm a man of virtue now, believe it or not.

Because I know what it's like to die,
to perish, at last.
Its a breath of fresh air.
To lay your head down, once,
after slaying waves of inner demons,
in the darkest of chasms of the mind.
For six long years, at last.
      
                                        ..At last.

But I also know what it's like,
to be reborn.
To acquire new perspective.
To move toward the light;
to find the exit, out of the dire,
idle hopelessness I made my home.
To desecrate my soul, from the grave,
to the garden I could smell,
but could not touch.

And to allow beauty, the privilege of my perception.

And to laugh, to laugh!

At last..
                                    ..At last.

And I have a feeling..
That this journey..
This..
Odyssey, I embarked on,
was not walked alone.

You were forced to walk it with me.

You must have felt an egregious pain.
To be left, alone, with a child to care for.
To have questioned the integrity,
of the only man you ever loved,
without an explanation.
To have wondered if that love was ever real.
To have thought yourself a fool.
Used. Played.
I know I made your biggest fear, reality;
And you were much too pure, too innocent.
Too inexperienced to have seen it coming,
or to cope, or to maintain your composure.
You must have questioned your faith.

But I bet you've grown so much.

Don't hate me for that.


If it accounts for anything..

Let it be known:
You were the last woman to have conquered my heart, and I have worshipped no other woman since.


I forgive myself;
And I allow Love
into my life.

...and I hope you do too.

-Raziel