"If" is a very strong word
let me ask myself
**What would happen,
If my father hadn't been conned?**
Maybe,
We would still have our own beloved house, a place that kept appearing in my dreams no matter where I live, a place my innate-self call home.
Maybe,
We would still live in Malacca, where i had real friends, best friends, regardless of race, regardless of sex, regardless of time.
Maybe,
I would be heavier than ever, take everything for granted, didn't appreciate the little things, become different than my current self?
**And what would happen,
If my father was still alive?**
Maybe,
My dad would learn about my O-level result, proud with tears, watching me graduate from school, for the whole 11 years he had worked for sending me to.
Maybe,
He would watch me enter university, as he did with my sister, perhaps he would witness both of us with a degree scroll, as he hadn't had a chance himself.
Maybe,
He would watch me have a successful career, and I am able to repay him, for all these years he had raised me.
Maybe,
He would witness me get married, held and play with his own grandchildren, as he had ever wished for.
Maybe,
He could at least marry off my sister, like a father - albeit scared - would want to do.
**but what would happen then,
If I can turn back time, knowing what will happen?**
Well,
that's not possible, i know.
just a mere "if"
say all the ifs I want,
things won't ever change,
only but the future.
so
i will work for it,
for the better future.
I miss you papa :')