Sometimes I sit alone and stare at the sky.
and I wonder how anyone could ever feel big
when we are all so painfully small.
and they know nothing of what is shared
between shimmer and darkness in the big blue nothing.
I wonder how I could ever feel important again
under a mass of uncharted forever
that is holding up so much of my life.
because forever is a long time
when you have so much to lose.
and so much to prove.
and there are worlds between my eyes and the sky
that have been starved of light for so long
where they were meant to be forgotten
but never were.
Worlds when we drank too much *****
on that beach with no name.
and everything always went terribly wrong.
Worlds where love never wins.
where love is always lost.
These worlds where we forgot how old we were
and acted how we wanted, and didn't care who we hurt
or why.
Where we chased moonbeams onto cheap plastic siding
and left everyone behind for nothing in particular.
Worlds with glamour and softness
with cruelty and train tracks
Worlds that make it easy to feel what you feel
and be what you are
and know what you know.
Only to find that these worlds are not to last.
and it is such a part of everything
that love and worlds and faces and names
must be lost.
So in the end, when things are lost,
I stare at the sky,
where my worlds have gone.
I walk amongst the fire they set
in the limbo I'm trapped in now.
and hold out my hands to catch the heat
before it burns what I have left.