Apr 2015
-Joelena Saldana
7/8/14
Loneliness... One of my biggest fears and yet easiest thing to talk about. The feeling of no one knowing what you're going through. Not wanting anyone to know what your going though. Having the feeling that no one will understand, knowing that no one will want to understand. It feels like time goes on while you stand still, watching the world like a movie. Everything and everyone has a color. I'm a gray. People have those happy moments: excitement; butterflies in their stomach... It feels like forever since I've had that. All I've been doing is pushing people out and away. Not wanting anyone to know what I'm going through ,because I'm so miserable. Missing them, wanting them wishing I was still there with them. I don't want them to know how I feel. I don't want people to pity me. I don't need it. I don't wish it. I don't deserve it. I've had enough of it. Sometimes all we need is someone to talk to.. Someone to hold us. I don't want the purples, pinks, oranges, yellows, etc. to know who I am and how I feel. I'm just a nothing and depressing color gray. And nobody want's to deal with a gray. They want to feel yellow, white, red, black, brown, etc. I'm so alone with my fears and disastrous moments and thoughts. I'm so full of pain that's ready to be shed, but afraid of how the actions of it will come out. Tears just wanting to be poured out like a faucet. Having nothing but the memory of when I was once happy, but now alone in fear of me. It's scary.. Having fear against yourself. Worrying that you might slip and do something you will always and forever regret. Praying to God, asking him to help you not slip. Asking him to protect you from your sad and scary thoughts. God, protect me from myself.
Please help and protect my Lonely Soul.
7/8/14
Loneliness... One of my biggest fears and yet easiest thing to talk about. The feeling of no one knowing what you're going through. Not wanting anyone to know what your going though. Having the feeling that no one will understand, knowing that no one will want to understand. It feels like time goes on while you stand still, watching the world like a movie. Everything and everyone has a color. I'm a gray. People have those happy moments: excitement; butterflies in their stomach... It feels like forever since I've had that. All I've been doing is pushing people out and away. Not wanting anyone to know what I'm going through ,because I'm so miserable. Missing them, wanting them wishing I was still there with them. I don't want them to know how I feel. I don't want people to pity me. I don't need it. I don't wish it. I don't deserve it. I've had enough of it. Sometimes all we need is someone to talk to.. Someone to hold us. I don't want the purples, pinks, oranges, yellows, etc. to know who I am and how I feel. I'm just a nothing and depressing color gray. And nobody want's to deal with a gray. They want to feel yellow, white, red, black, brown, etc. I'm so alone with my fears and disastrous moments and thoughts. I'm so full of pain that's ready to be shed, but afraid of how the actions of it will come out. Tears just wanting to be poured out like a faucet. Having nothing but the memory of when I was once happy, but now alone in fear of me. It's scary.. Having fear against yourself. Worrying that you might slip and do something you will always and forever regret. Praying to God, asking him to help you not slip. Asking him to protect you from your sad and scary thoughts. God, protect me from myself.
Please help and protect my Lonely Soul.
