It is just another lonely night
where I sit with a pen and try
to forget my feelings, might
I finally just disappear now?
can I just have to not feel this
war to actually give a ****?
to not succumb to the bliss
of apathy? How badly I want
to not have to fight for you
guys, because none of you
would care if I stopped, who
would actually stop me if
I gave up fighting to care for
anyone? who could be able
to stop me from cutting once more?
I don't even remember why
I stopped, all I know is that
I can't, it would hurt... my
friends, or family, or somebody
but I cannot even remember who
I am not supposed to lie to
I am not supposed to... to
what, exactly? to not want
to sleep once more, or drink
or why I find it hard to breathe
or to stop it all within the blink
of an eye, to fade from your
sights, and just.... fade into
the crowds once more, a friendly
stranger, god I want it to woo
me to sleep once more, that knife
against all of the fake strife
that I call into my heart once more.
I fight for people to be in my life
yet I forget why I even bother
anymore, all I know is I... need
them for something, a reason
that makes me not try to bleed.
my closet friend wants to hang,
chill with old man grim, and
no one will talk to me 'cept
the brother who others brand
a monster of rage and anger.
not without me talking to them
first, did you all just stop wanting
me to be in your lives? all of them
to busy or have to hard of a time
to see me? to even try to talk to me
is a great struggle, so I have to lie
or you would all leave me to be
but I cannot get this voice to say
I would hurt you all if I vanished,
or if I died, but I am losing this war
once again, soon to have banished
my empathy, my heart once again.
and I know that if I am asked about
this poem, I will just say its all good
and I can make you all believe me bout
it, because my facade is to good