1 day i was laying in bed
or at least sitting on the bed
cuz i lived in my bedroom
not even leaving  to use the bathroom
pickle jars work in a pinch and
watching the walls breathe
was a bigger priority
than having to speak and
look at my children
who might be able to
produce a feeling of shame
from within me
should they had made
eye contact with me and
***** too expensive
to risk letting  them ruin
a good thick 50 cc rush of dopamines gone wild
so i yelled out through the door
" have a good day at school,  love you"  
but my words held as much sincerity
as a nun on her 30th set of Hail Mary's
dutifully reciting rosary
to get out of bed
to give him a hug goodbye
was an absolutely preposterous idea and
after hearing the door shut
he walked out that door Sept. 26, 2008 and
he was never seen again.