Some of them are part hilarity, part shame...

The thing is, there are so many reasons why I shouldn't have worked that job...

I was between 16 + 17, overworked, super ADHD, brand new driver, horrible with directions (and these were the days of maps and phonebooks... >.>).

I was usually running late,
not really prepared,
costumed,
carrying things,
haphazard
and I had (and still have) plenty of issues doing standard issue human things...

there was this one time that I remember going up to East Side Marios at the time...
and again,
this is over 10 years ago....

dressed up as a large bird...
and now I'm a fairly large human as it is...
especially for a female around 5'10" and in highschool, I was around that height already.

With this head,
I clock in at a good 7"...
toting either balloons, flowers or some other gift...

I wander through this restaurant,
asking waitresses to direct me to my location.

I get there, do the song and dance thing...

and I'm pretty sure I totally slacked off most times and did 1/3 songs or whatever I was supposed to.

I can't remember if the rules were never told to me proper,
changed or if I just anxietied the **** out of the situation and failed to deliver.

After I was done and trying to make my way the hell out of there.

I'm extroverted,
but not a fan of people seeing me in costume,
touching me,
trying to meander through waves of people dressed as a bird..

and just a plethora of other things.

I preferred being safe in the shop and just tinkering away.

Anyhow, while I was trying to make my escape, a waitress came over and informed me that they had another birthday party and she asked if I would be so kind as to go and say hi to the other party.

Now, being the good little roman catholic school girl that I thought I was being raised to be (save for the glaring oxymoronic behaviour that I tended to exhibit in shame when nobody was paying attention to me...)

of course I would agree to say hi and make someone's day a bit better.

I made my way over there,
and as soon as I appeared she screamed at the top of her lungs,
sprung out of her chair and dashed over to me.

Her arms flailed and found themselves all over my person,
rubbing and molesting with a intoxicated fervour I had yet not been in receipt of at that tender age.

Now, don't get me wrong, I had molested and manhandled my share of unsuspecting, awkward nerds at the time in my amazonian haphazard ***** youthful mode...

but around that time, most thought that I was much too strange and dorky to engage with.

So luckily, most wouldn't be able to get near my bubble,
especially not to the extent and excitement that this woman was sporting.

I fumbled over my words and sputtered out a, "Uh-uhhh.... Happy birthday?"

To which the woman gleefully exclaimed, "Aaahhhaha! It's aa giiii~rrrl~"

and at this point,
in youthful mortification i was silent
a heavier set bald man let out a lecherous chuckle, "Uh hue hue hue.... my turn."

All I remember was bashful waving and me trying to make the quickest escape my chaotic form could.

Now, I don't even remember how long I held this job for,
because most of my memories of the position involve some sort of failure and folly...

so, I'm not sure if I made a clean break and if I heisted the additional awkwardness from another story and mashed them together,

however.... on my way out,
I remember somehow bashing into a waitress and having at least six glasses of beverage go all over me, her, the walls and floor and make a hell of a clamoring all about.

I remember being absolutely ready to expire by the time I made my way back to the van to change out of the confounded outfit that made my existence even more cumbersome.

I am pretty sure most of the joys of that job only come in the retelling of the incidents in how entirely horrible they were to experience first-hand.