You may marvel at my mind
The growing neurotic neural network
Fraught with contradicting folds
Making it more of a maze than a viable brain
And it's taken me this long to realize:
My fragility is not a phase
Because the eggshell cracks do not erase themselves
When the sun comes back around
And I may tell you I am Atlas
But at best, I am the collection of books that stole his name
All I can offer you is the guarantee that I will fall again
And when I say I will fall, I mean out of sanity
I will lose it all at the snap of a finger because the real me
Is three seconds away from a mental break
Two points away from failing
One is the loneliest number and one second was what I needed
A voice to split the darkness and weave it into a rescue rope
So I can belay off this high rise instead of jumping
Because I didn't bring a parachute
No matter how many times I tell you I did
I would rather leap with this knapsack
Than ask for help
Because where I came from, asking for help was admitting your stupidity
Where I came from, asking for help was a whimper escaping your body after you had nearly died
Where I came from, help came at the cost of dignity and self-worth
It's selfish to say that because I know you
You were the one-second sound saving me from certain doom
And the more you know, the more you care
I bury you in my sorrow because I am selfish
Try as I might to hold everything in, I can't
Your mouth says "Tell me"
But your eyes don't want to hurt anymore
And I am Rex Dolor, knocking on your window
Praying you'll be strong enough not to open
Because I was not strong enough not to knock