I just.. I thought when I left, The dreams would leave with you. But they haven't, no.. They continue to get worse And within them I am running away from the monsters labeled Depression Low Self-esteem You I wake up with shaky hands AND I AM GASPING FOR AIR LIKE I'VE JUST BROKEN THE SURFACE AFTER SWIMMING UP FROM THE BOTTOM OF THE DEAD SEA I'm sorry The girls who tugged on your shirt sleeves Carried you away again And all I've been doing is trying to save you from the ones named: Liar ***** Boredom Because I was the only one who truly wanted you for the better reasons You, you wouldn't have it Said you'd rather leave me in the bottom of the pool With weights tied down to my small ankles Rolling over, I've been sleep deprived Start of exhaustion From lack of you Lack of sleep Lack of love I'd say I miss you But you always left me suffocating Like a victim under decorated pillows You see, what you are doing looks beautiful on the outside So bystanders don't stop and help me I stretch my legs And trace my fingers over the areas you used to touch You smelled of old spices And reminiscing after thoughts Nostalgia has been flooding the waters of the sunken ship But people pass by on a boat Thinking "what a beautiful disaster" No one jumps in the water To save the only passenger Sinking in the oceans current HELP ME I'M DROWNING I'M NOT LOOKING FOR EXCUSES JUST SAVE ME But you don't budge Can barely move And my fist become clenched The woman appears on the boat with wine She wraps her arms around your waist, Much like I used to She whispers something in your ears Making a look I know all too well appear on your beautiful face I ... Take it back It's beginning to rain And I am fighting the weights The boat is becoming distant As you walk with her into the cabin Linked arms Shoulder to shoulder My legs are tingling My breathing never slows My pulse going a mile a minute This is where I wake up With blood draining down the side of my chest How did I end up in this hospital? Of course, I wake up to familiar faces But.. They aren't yours It's not that I miss you No, it's just that I'm afraid You've ruined me My first lover, My darling, Your lies have shattered a once innocent heart I cannot feel the love radiating out of you You were my entire world But I, was just another measly star in your solar system... Stay where you are I know you won't make circles to come back to me And fix my battered heart, Smoothen my sharp edges I've learned the hard way But I guess I'm realizing It was only ever me treading heavy waters With weights clenching my ankles for survival