I just..
I thought when I left,
The dreams would leave with you.
But they haven't, no..
They continue to get worse
And within them I am running away from the monsters labeled
Depression
Low Self-esteem
You
I wake up with shaky hands
AND I AM GASPING FOR AIR
LIKE I'VE JUST BROKEN THE SURFACE
AFTER SWIMMING UP FROM THE BOTTOM OF THE DEAD SEA
I'm sorry
The girls who tugged on your shirt sleeves
Carried you away again
And all I've been doing is trying to save you from the ones named:
Liar
*****
Boredom
Because I was the only one who truly wanted you for the better reasons
You, you wouldn't have it
Said you'd rather leave me in the bottom of the pool
With weights tied down to my small ankles
Rolling over, I've been sleep deprived
Start of exhaustion
From lack of you
Lack of sleep
Lack of love
I'd say I miss you
But you always left me suffocating
Like a victim under decorated pillows
You see, what you are doing looks beautiful on the outside
So bystanders don't stop and help me
I stretch my legs
And trace my fingers over the areas you used to touch
You smelled of old spices
And reminiscing after thoughts
Nostalgia has been flooding the waters of the sunken ship
But people pass by on a boat
Thinking "what a beautiful disaster"
No one jumps in the water
To save the only passenger
Sinking in the oceans current
HELP ME
I'M DROWNING
I'M NOT LOOKING FOR EXCUSES
JUST SAVE ME
But you don't budge
Can barely move
And my fist become clenched
The woman appears on the boat with wine
She wraps her arms around your waist,
Much like I used to
She whispers something in your ears
Making a look I know all too well appear on your beautiful face
I ... Take it back
It's beginning to rain
And I am fighting the weights
The boat is becoming distant
As you walk with her into the cabin
Linked arms
Shoulder to shoulder
My legs are tingling
My breathing never slows
My pulse going a mile a minute
This is where I wake up
With blood draining down the side of my chest
How did I end up in this hospital?
Of course, I wake up to familiar faces
But.. They aren't yours
It's not that I miss you
No, it's just that I'm afraid
You've ruined me
My first lover,
My darling,
Your lies have shattered a once innocent heart
I cannot feel the love radiating out of you
You were my entire world
But I, was just another measly star in your solar system...
Stay where you are
I know you won't make circles to come back to me
And fix my battered heart,
Smoothen my sharp edges
I've learned the hard way
But I guess I'm realizing
It was only ever me treading heavy waters
With weights clenching my ankles for survival