I’ve gotten used to being set
Set aside
Set straight
Setting like the sun on the idea of happiness
Dying to so many dreams
I don’t have enough phalanges to count them on
People hurt me because they
Think they know me
(You don’t know me, not even a little)
I had forgotten how it feels when you hold me
I had lost the lust to know you
Blade sharp visions
Cutting away at my ability
To hold up my life card
I want to punch out and leave.
Pleasure and pain concurrent
Sex and little deaths roll together
I have never spelled it out before
Your sex, your sex- your species, your intimacy
It murders my self-confidence
It leaves me barer than birth
And hungry for something
That isn’t real
(And you still don’t know me)
tears are my life’s work
blood is my excuse for living
I leave it in the veins
Because anything else would be
Too messy.
In my fantasies
We watch football on the couch
Drink beers with fancy labels
And I fall asleep on your shoulder.
I could make a whole life
In the small of your back
In the space behind your ear
I would color in your lines
And connect your dots.
We would be childhood happy.
(You don’t want to know me)