Circumstances are
That you don't know if
It's you or someone else

Influence runs too deep

I remember being so young
Being taken control
Overcome by the glances
And passes of boys
They passed and I learned

I've been a man before, perhaps
More than once
And here I am, at the edge
Of toppling over
Or seeing,
Just me. In all my glory.

I've been a woman too.
She's with me now.
She is aware of the wind stirring
Around my nest, the beads of sweat
Piercing through my skin.
Slowly, seemingly from nowhere
But there!
But there she is. And he is...
Well the teams all here.

I was a dancer then.
Then he touched my body
And it tensed,
And has never quite been the same.
The quest of womanhood
Marked by abortion
And heartbreak.
So young, not a soul there.
The beginning of my lonely days.

But the boys still called
They round the back
Slipped in and out
Quicker than I realized.
They, and their hard *****.
Most did the job, well.
Or maybe I'm just sensitive...
Regardless, I rarely slept alone.
But it was still cold.
These guys had just enough
Something
To peak interest for a moment
In time.

I was always in control,
On the outside...
A few times I freaked.
I replay foolish ways,
Nights.

And when asked to write,
I suppose I still don't fully see.
My faith maintains a certain
Balance.
Self torture is a beast, but
If energy is not provided
That **** shrivels, loses steam.
I mean, I,
I...