I come from a long line of bad habits and mistakes

How I have

my father’s train-wreck

And

my mother’s constantly questioning heart

Asking

“Do you love me?”

I will beg you to love me like a train wreck

And I will whistle love songs

At every grinding halt

You never saw the size of the bell tower that birthed me

Never heard when the hunchback chimed the hour

I came out screaming

9:30 in the morning shortly after the start of fall

For us though

It was fire season

And I

am an air sign

Kind enough to fan the coals to bursting

Train wreck building speed

I have my father’s impatience

And my mother’s other cheek

When she turns it

This is how you gut a fish

And this is how you **** a man

This is how to not leave bruises when you hit someone

And this

This is a dead end

Without that darkened tunnel with the light at the end

But I am thankful

Because I have my father’s rust

and my mother’s metal bones

this hand I was dealt

will shiver

Until it’s stuck in place

You didn’t see the size of the train wreck that made me

And you didn’t hear the hunchback’s desperate clatter

And if we’re lucky

You’ll hear me whistle love songs

At that last grinding halt