It's you
It's a country rock tune
It's a bottle of codeine
It's the way the clouds shift.

I've been looking at blank walls recently.

I've been studying the imperfections in the plaster, looking for you, listening deeply for that ***** tonk rhythm, feeling with my hands for that orange bottle.

I drown myself in these things,
yet I am breathing.
I have broken water, I have filled my lungs and voluntarily I plunge again.

I know what I'm looking for in these blank walls but I'm not sure I'd recognize it if I saw it.

Alas, my heart goes on and I beg it to stop.
I'm terrified and I miss my mother, she's grown so distant.
I'm frozen to the marrow of my bones and I'm not sure who keeps turning the defrost off and I'm disgustingly afraid, I shake with fear and I don't know where I'm at, I don't know who I am, and I don't know where I'm going and I'm afraid, I'm so afraid.