I want something I can hold
Something I can count on my bitten fingernails, taste on my chapped lips
I want something real,
Something I can smile wolfish grins about when I’m sagging and old.

I want something warm
Something that can thaw my chest that grows so, so cold.
And so, so alone.
I feel so alone.  All the time.

There’s a voice that whispers wants and pleas into my delusional head
A pleasure center rubbed raw one tiny pill at a time
It says that I Am Alone Forever, No One Loves Me, Nothing Matters,
Thick ropes of dark blue snaking around my tortured brain

I just want to make them stop.

So I do the only thing I know. Get HIIIIGH. SOOOOOO high.
And the voices, they shut the **** up.
For a brief beautiful moment in time,
I’m fixed.

But then my body screams and my thoughts panic at the weight of the influence crushing me
Bones and vital organs crumble as I bury my problems, one snort at a time.
I don’t know what will **** me first, the depression or the drugs.
But for now, I’m following my loneliness out the door.