They say, "She's so arrogant."
"I hate that girl." they say.
but they only see a quiet girl,
who hardly looks at them in the eye.
What they don't see,
is a wounded soul, drowning in the air
that she breathes.
And to drown in air, is the worst
because air is all I've got.
I heard her say, "She is weird."
"I need to stay away from her." she said.
But all she saw, was a loner with
dark eye liner around her eyes.
What she didn't see,
was that the eye liner is the closest
I felt to my authenticity.
That I am actually so paranoid that sometimes,
I wonder if I am lying to myself.
They say, "that girl is getting nowhere."
"She is ruining her life." they say.
They saw me cancel plans repeatedly
they saw me make excuses and lies.
What they couldn't see,
is my heavy heart and the overwhelming anxiety
and how scared I am of not dying
but living.