lost the sacred part of life in my twenties
because knowing that i participated in a normal act comforts the crater in my chest
where i was ripped from normalcy by my mother the month i was supposed to graduate highschool.

society has a real effect on people.
like rocks and minerals deep under pressure and intense heat i formed
in the magma pocket of this culture
pressured into fusing what was born inside of me
with what i was made into.

all these silent rules that drop and fall like dinner plates my mother threw
hot food splashing our arms
spittle flying from her lips as she screamed
just things that were put in place before i existed
just rules that i can hear crash
and feel burn
but just watch
silently
as they rage
by me

i wonder what it would be like to not know the rules.
to not understand what wasn't "ok"
or expected of me.
i wonder if i would still like the things i like
or let myself sit in prison dorm rooms and cry over a relationship i deeply don't care about.

i can feel the fringe of society
the frayed edge that begs for someone to cut away the loose strands
i see it
i feel it
i know it
but i do not wish to sever it.