when i take a fleeting second to think on the rarity that is us,
there is no reason for me to be thinking about you
every second of every day.
they tell us from the moment we are born
until the moment we die that it is devastatingly useless
to want something that you should not have.
this is something that would be destructive to me.
this is something that would be even more destructive to you.
against the will of my judicious brain,
i spend half of my time daydreaming -
tracing the curves of your face in my mind.
against the will of my burdened heart,
i spend half of my time in torture -
convincing myself that i don't feel this way.
when i step back, though, the reality hits me.
the answers i have sought become as clear as untroubled waters.
it is the brilliant gold specks in your emerald and turquoise eyes,
it is the rush of warmth when your fingertips brush my skin,
it is the fact that your smile is brighter than any sunshine i have ever seen,
it is the cool, sweet whisper of your breath against my neck,
it is the feel of your arms wrapped protectively around me,
it is the rare occassions where i get a glimpse of the boy behind all those walls,
that keep me captivated.
i cannot say that this is love.
i cannot say that I know what love is.
i can say that this is a strange kind of happiness -
a common understanding between two dreamers -
two hearts beating in the same ¾ time.
this is the desire to jump - eyes closed -
into something i am unsure of.
this is the will to pick myself up off of the floor
and try to be whole again just one more time.
i want to tell you how i feel. i have to tell you how i feel.