sometimes i look at myself
and don't recognize who i see
i want so desperately to be something
                   i am not
i try in vain to become that person
                    i admire
i try hard to be good
kind
honest
loving
but those feelings are lost on me
i am filled with so much anger
dislike
unease
and then guilt
it becomes unbearable
my insides boil when the blackness
of these feelings overwhelm me
i become a stranger to myself
and i am filled with loathing
against my weakness.