I try to act like my ideal. That guy I want to be in my head. But no one tells that guy that walking along alone hurts more than anything. That not caring about what people think about me makes me care so much more. That now that I have a perfect person to be like, anything less makes me feel worse. My ideal me, what a concept. I wonder if he agonizes over everything his friends say. Does he agonize over being alone? Seeing all his friends start to get into relationships and be happy? Seeing all his friends leave together leaving him to fight university alone? Does he know that that decision was his fault? Does he even care? Why would he. I'm the shadow of a great man, if only in my head.