Jun 2011
I see you, and my heart skips. I don't know why and it makes no sense. All I know is I simply can't breathe without you around. I know I hurt you...I don't want to...I pray to God that I could stop. I love you, I really do...I don't mean to do this to you. I can see your pain, it kills me inside. But what hurts more? Whats hurts more is that I must pretend that I am oblivious to what I'm doing. I know I say the wrong things, but by the time i realize it's too late...I've hurt you so much and I thought of leaving you be, to keeping away to save you from my foolish daggers.
But every time I try to keep my distance, I find myself drawn to you and brought to you by some force I can not fight.
But sometimes I never know what to think. You speak of a god you worship and love him as if he were real...And I can't help but be jealous of this phantom you chose. Just speaking of how perfect he is, and how you have history with this fictional character makes me rage. How can I compete with a reflection of your heart? He is EVERYTHING you want. And the more you talk of him, he is EVERYTHING I'm not. So I once again return to who once was mine, simply to try to keep away from you. I didn't know how much it would hurt you, you hid your pain so well.
Too Well. And God now I can see you change right before my eyes.
What I used to jest of to make you laugh now seems to push a dagger and twist it in your heart. What you used to tolerate you now despise, and I don't know you any more. I wonder briefly if I EVER did...but then I have to remind myself that what happened to you was my fault. Now I can't relearn you, can't rediscover your beauty...For you won't let me. I don't have the privilege too anymore. Especially while 'tied' to another. A new life is coming for me, both figuratively and literally and I'm confused and lost. I don't know what to do - I can't see whats going on any more and where my path is.
But when I stop to think, I guess it no longer matters.
Because I love you.
And now I foolishly didn't Lose you...
I let you go.
But every time I try to keep my distance, I find myself drawn to you and brought to you by some force I can not fight.
But sometimes I never know what to think. You speak of a god you worship and love him as if he were real...And I can't help but be jealous of this phantom you chose. Just speaking of how perfect he is, and how you have history with this fictional character makes me rage. How can I compete with a reflection of your heart? He is EVERYTHING you want. And the more you talk of him, he is EVERYTHING I'm not. So I once again return to who once was mine, simply to try to keep away from you. I didn't know how much it would hurt you, you hid your pain so well.
Too Well. And God now I can see you change right before my eyes.
What I used to jest of to make you laugh now seems to push a dagger and twist it in your heart. What you used to tolerate you now despise, and I don't know you any more. I wonder briefly if I EVER did...but then I have to remind myself that what happened to you was my fault. Now I can't relearn you, can't rediscover your beauty...For you won't let me. I don't have the privilege too anymore. Especially while 'tied' to another. A new life is coming for me, both figuratively and literally and I'm confused and lost. I don't know what to do - I can't see whats going on any more and where my path is.
But when I stop to think, I guess it no longer matters.
Because I love you.
And now I foolishly didn't Lose you...
I let you go.
Prose
