A guilty relief leaks from my fingertips and stains this keyboard.
The words need to be told, but the result is more than I can afford.
What I want to know most is what you want to hear.
What do your ears crave after this long, tragic year?

I move any direction but forward on this journey of mine,
But when I look over my shoulder,  you're not parallel to my line.
"I wanna help you out, I wanna straighten your path,"
Well what ever happened to "I never wanna look back"?

Answer the question, I can't deal with this pain.
Please just tell me when different becomes the same.
But I think the real question is, what do you care?
Now that your thoughts have all strayed from whatever we shared.

I'm not asking for love, although I'd die just to have it.
But I can't speak my mind without sounding dramatic.
It shouldn't surprise you though, the creator of my world,
You created my hell faster than God created earth.

I can't forgive you for that, but what does it matter?
You're good as new, even while I'm still shattered.
I cringe to think of the satisfaction in your veins.
I shudder at the thought that you take it all as a game.

I've spent my whole life dreaming about this other half,
Then you dangled it in my face and I cried as you laughed.
I can't forgive you for that, but I know you don't mind.
I don't mean anything to the boy who consumes all my time.

Here I go, my hands shaking,
As I picture your face.
Here I go, my mind racing,
Taking me back to that place.

I dare you to look into the depths of my brain.
When you come out, I promise, you'll never be the same.
The things that lie up there are dangerous and unhealthy.
But what does that matter? You've checked out already.

I laugh at the thought of you understanding my heart.
But clearly you understand it enough to tear it apart.
I can't forgive you for that, but don't give it a thought.
Although in every dream, you're all that he's not.

Here I go, trying so hard to remember that word.
The one you used to use, the one I always heard.
Here I go, uttering the word that never means enough.
I remember it now, that lie pronounced 'love'.

Look what I did, I did it again, it happens every time.
You turn away the very moment I put my love on the line.
I'm used to it now, you've given me the devil to face.
I'll never know how you found me such a dark place.

The anger within kicks up a million clouds of dust,
Then the love and the words get lost in lost trust.
Look in my eyes and tell me what you see,
Its a broken reflection referred to as me.

I wanna tell you I hate you for all that you did,
But "I hate" and "you" never seem to fit.
You destroyed the smile I used to wear as an accessory,
So when they ask why its gone, I'll point to you for the story.

"Sleep easy and walk with that charm I fell for," nice lie.
At the thought of you loving me, I might as well die.
The sadness has come out in numerous ways,
Fighting it off has become my hobby these days.

If I had to place the blame, it wouldn't all be on you.
You ruined everything I was, but I loved you too.
And although loving you has run me into the ground,
When my tears scream for me, there's still a slight sound.

When you read this I'll be crying at the guilt inside my veins,
And at the thought that after you've read it, nothing will have changed.
I feel like if I don't tell you these things, I'll never move on,
But I don't want you to think about what you avoid reflecting upon.

I hate where we stand, but I'm at arms length because you wish,
Oh but you haven't the slightest idea what I'd do for one last kiss.
Every night I dream a dream that won't ever come true,
But I hope you know that I'm always facing you.

Don't fear the words that may force you to look back,
You offered your help so don't treat them like an attack.
And I know these are the last things that a girl like me should say,
But I've got nothing to lose, I'm pretty ****** up anyway.