I guess I'm just tired.
I'm tired of crying,
of all the whining, ******* and moaning.
I'm tired of yelling,
screaming at the world in an effort to be heard when no one actually wants to listen.
I'm tired of being upset,
of being so sad that my entire chest aches each time the memories replay in my head.
I'm tired of pretending,
of playing a game in which I'm all right,
of wearing a mask to convince others they don't need to waste their time on me.
I'm tired of being alone,
of being so lonely I can hear my heart breaking,
of the quiet so silent that I can hear my hurried pulse as though I actually have somewhere to be.
I'm tired of being angry,
blaming others for what I'm going through,
telling myself that it's not my fault, it's theirs,
claiming that no one is at fault when it's all mine.
I'm tired of feeling crazy,
like there's no rational explanation for what I'm going through,
like no one else can understand what I'm going through.
I'm tired of feeling stuck,
like I can't move on,
like I can't go anywhere but down the hole, swallowed up by the misery and sadness.
I'm tired of needing help,
depending on others for survival,
of depending on the pills I swallow each day as if they're finally going to help me,
as if today they'll change their minds and actually make things better.
I'm tired of remembering,
knowing that you moved on long ago,
that you never really gave a ****,
that you would rather die than see me again.
I'm tired of missing people,
of missing pieces of my heart,
as though one day they're just going to come back on a whim,
suddenly giving a **** about me again.
I'm tired of feeling worthless,
told over and over again by the actions of others that I mean nothing.
I'm tired of feeling empty inside,
feeling my heart beating in an empty cavity,
knowing there's no more emotions that will enter my system,
knowing that my emotions have long ago abandoned me.
I'm tired of not being able to just let go,
even though I know that you're never going to give a ****,
even though I know you're going to do nothing to me but hurt me more.
I'm tired of wishing I could start over,
of praying to God that He'd let me begin anew,
that He'd give me a second chance.
I'm tired of dreaming of a life I will never have,
of those perfect moments that will never be mine because I have never been enough.
But most of all, I'm just tired of being tired.