Tears cascade down my mascara stained cheeks
As I scream into my already wet pillow
Your name eases from my lips in a whisper
The very contrast to all the memories whirling within
Tornado like winds take over my mind
Removing any other thought, or possibility- all thats left is you

Your memory teasing me with detailed images of your smile
Something that was erased for so long I forgot it existed
Dimples tugging at the corners of your thin pink lips
As they framed your blinding white teeth, as straight as a picket fence
All thanks to three years of pain and torture of metal
That you whined about at every moment possible

But even when you whined, I couldn't take my attention away
Hypnotized by the sunset gleaming in your ever changing colored eyes
Reminding me that the world exists outside of your arms
Though I never wanted it to, I wanted to stay
To feel the warmth of the inside of that dreary black jacket
As long are your arms were at home there too

Home took on a different meaning with you
One that meant late summer nights with our minds among the stars
On a barely exinsistant landing strip
Dedicated as our towns sad excuse for an airport
Never did we see a plane, though we hoped
Sadly plotting that if we ever were so lucky it would show us the way out
Into a world that we hardly knew because we were both here
Stuck in a one horse town with people whose every name we knew

And then you were gone
Swept away with the changing of the tides from fall to winter
The seasons change without passing because my mind doesn't see
My eyes only exist glazed over in long lost memories
Days like death I would pray to forget if I ever thought that God did exist
And early morning hours I wish I could remember

Where ever you are now I hope you know this
Whether you're six feet below me or a thousand above
Your name rings in my ears every second of every day
Never forgetting the promises we made, or the games that we played
Tricking each other into believing that forever did exist
Never forgetting the times you made me laugh because you were stupid
Or the kisses that I never could seem to resist no matter how mad I was

We were robbed by depression that gripped your soul
It dug in its sharpened claws and snatched away the purest of hearts
Within months that raced by like moments it drained you
Like the longest of droughts drains the deepest of rivers
Away went the days of love and sanity and in came the hurricane of hate
Tearing apart everything that we had and throwing it a thousand feet away

Who knows where we would be now if you had managed to escape
To find your way, even broken or damaged, back into the eyes of that
Golden haired hero I could not tear my eyes away from
Even when you were preoccupied across the room hidden from my sight
I was fixated on you

Now that has translated into fixation of my brain
Onto memories and horror and pain that I can't find any way to contain
So I cry on nights like tonight when I can't get away
The dam of a facade I apply with my makeup every day fades
Into a twisted crumpled hurt of never understanding
Why you're still always on my mind

Hazy dream like memories are crushed by the terrors of fights
Then mended by the paintings of us on those late nights
Broken and shattered by screams we both regret
No matter what ever the flashback consists of
It is running through my mind, chased out only by
Shrieks into my soaked stained pillow
And never drying eyes