Swimming in a sea of faces
Everyone different
Everyone the same
I look around
Invisible in the crowd
But I stand out
Not at the level of everyone else
Weighed down
By negative thoughts
And my own weight
Too good for these feelings
Yet never good enough
Run now
Run fast to the water's edge

Jump into the river
The murky waters
Cover my scars
Cover my marks
They delude the evils racing through my mind.
I feel lighter
Though I sink into the mud
Maybe it will swallow me
forever
Down to the depths of hell
Where I belong

***** now
Always have been
Forever will be
Climb out slowly now
The breeze chilling you to the bone
The sun warming my skin
Conflicted
Like I've always been


Mud caked between my toes
The physical representation of my ***** soul
and ***** thoughts
***** water down my wrists
Into my hands
Reality, like soap, slipping from my grasp
Reality, the only thing that can change me from myself
Climb from the muck
Like a demon from hell

Their laughter draws you in
Wishing you could just be like them
Stand on the water's edge
Should you jump?
Allow yourself to collapse
Into the clear
Friends
Floating above you
Reaching hands to pull you up
You stay under a little longer

It's nice down here.