how many times will i write variations of us
that never get a
happy ending?
sometimes i think i am destined to forever
remember you
and that summer
with that one kiss
and the promise i made with no intentions of
keeping it
because i don't know how to love with two hands
                                                           ­       one heart
                                                           ­                        fully
                                                           ­                        unafraid.
                                                       ­                             everything i write is about you and the
different people
i could see
when i looked you in the eyes
and let myself think
                         embrace
                         appreciate
                         and enjoy
every part of you without any sense of anxiety.
and i wonder
what we could be now
that i have a way to cope
                              and live without questioning everything except the ugly.

i wonder if one day i will be able to give our characters
an ending where
we can both by happy
                           not broken
                           or longing
                           or forever regretful
and every stack of cards doesn't mean more than it should.