Mar 2015
3/4 a bottle of fireball and a bag of cheap wine later you and I could be found cuddling the concrete at 3 a.m
Chalking our night on to the streets together
I felt alive
My inhibitions were lowered so when you asked if I was afraid of the dark I lowered my guard
and simply told you no. I've only ever been afraid of what I might look like when I came back into the light
When I had to face the mirrors again
The cracks and the crevices where my confidence hid
Under the bundles of broken glasses and chipped teeth
You were silence at full volume
I had tried to rip the whispers from your windpipe, but they always seemed to blow away with the reasons to let myself love you again
You were a page torn from the bible three nights before they burned it
You were one of the last surviving scriptures
And all I ever wanted was to be granted your gospel
To wash my sins away at the mouth of the river
My heart soaked and my smile wide I would arrive in heaven every time you were by my side
I know you never meant to fire, lover
I know we never meant to burn each other
To break the glass over the grass and walk on broken beauty and shards of crooked spines
I know we never gave each the time of the day
Even when we were sober it was hard to walk away
You captivated my chaos, and made it easy for me to accept crazy
That handle of fireball wasn't the only thing that fazed me, you dazed me and entranced me
It was hard to believe someone as awkward as you romanced me
But you spoke love like you learned it from Rosetta Stone
I worshipped at your alter, the confessional of those eyes, I spoke in tongues
I was bilingual and forever single
Learning the words to every catchy jingle from eharmony to match.com
Maybe it was because of every boyfriend who ever dated my mom
Who made me feel inferior
That taught me being a man was being handsome and completely ugly on the interior
Or because every time I broke a heart
I would go home and paint pain to wrist a work of art and find a new place to start again
Or maybe I was so used to best friends who played pretend
Who sang first comes ache, then comes break, it seems no one can really relate with Nate
Once I hit bottom, bottom hit back
And I left because you ended up being everything I lacked and for the simple fact that when you were to say I love you I was too scared to say it back
So I drank 1/5 a bottle of broken and tried to fill the empty spots
To make it whole with just a few more shots
Usually ending up back on the concrete
I would wait until you fell soundly asleep
The night holding tight to dawn as I held you tight to me
I whispered into your ear, I'm not afraid of the dark my darling, as long as you walk through it with me
Chalking our night on to the streets together
I felt alive
My inhibitions were lowered so when you asked if I was afraid of the dark I lowered my guard
and simply told you no. I've only ever been afraid of what I might look like when I came back into the light
When I had to face the mirrors again
The cracks and the crevices where my confidence hid
Under the bundles of broken glasses and chipped teeth
You were silence at full volume
I had tried to rip the whispers from your windpipe, but they always seemed to blow away with the reasons to let myself love you again
You were a page torn from the bible three nights before they burned it
You were one of the last surviving scriptures
And all I ever wanted was to be granted your gospel
To wash my sins away at the mouth of the river
My heart soaked and my smile wide I would arrive in heaven every time you were by my side
I know you never meant to fire, lover
I know we never meant to burn each other
To break the glass over the grass and walk on broken beauty and shards of crooked spines
I know we never gave each the time of the day
Even when we were sober it was hard to walk away
You captivated my chaos, and made it easy for me to accept crazy
That handle of fireball wasn't the only thing that fazed me, you dazed me and entranced me
It was hard to believe someone as awkward as you romanced me
But you spoke love like you learned it from Rosetta Stone
I worshipped at your alter, the confessional of those eyes, I spoke in tongues
I was bilingual and forever single
Learning the words to every catchy jingle from eharmony to match.com
Maybe it was because of every boyfriend who ever dated my mom
Who made me feel inferior
That taught me being a man was being handsome and completely ugly on the interior
Or because every time I broke a heart
I would go home and paint pain to wrist a work of art and find a new place to start again
Or maybe I was so used to best friends who played pretend
Who sang first comes ache, then comes break, it seems no one can really relate with Nate
Once I hit bottom, bottom hit back
And I left because you ended up being everything I lacked and for the simple fact that when you were to say I love you I was too scared to say it back
So I drank 1/5 a bottle of broken and tried to fill the empty spots
To make it whole with just a few more shots
Usually ending up back on the concrete
I would wait until you fell soundly asleep
The night holding tight to dawn as I held you tight to me
I whispered into your ear, I'm not afraid of the dark my darling, as long as you walk through it with me
