last night i dreamt with raw emotion. i felt everything i’ve been afraid to feel all at once; i was scared but i was courageous and i was angry but i was proud and i was so in love with you.

i hid from sight because i knew seeing me would make you angry but i still stuck my neck out because i wanted that recognition. i knew that your shouting was better than your silence, and that the force of your fingers sinking into my skin was better than the stillness of your absence.

apologies had never come easier and i’d never cried so much in my life. my heart was in my throat and refused to let oxygen through to my lungs making it impossible for me to just be still.

i knew i had what i wanted, which was the exact opposite of what i needed. i knew how things would end up but oh it just felt so good to be home again.