I’ve never been able to convince myself that I’m anything special, and I really don’t mean that in a self-pitying-please-compliment-me-and-tell-me-of-my-importance way, I mean that in a I really honestly don’t see why anybody would do anything differently on my behalf. What about me could possibly make you want to be better? But that was what he always said. he loved me, he loved me, he loved me, I made him want to be better. My inability to believe that ****** with my head and our relationship in more ways than one. First off, I believed him when he said he loved me. I got that he did, I could see it in his actions and the way he would react to what I would say and do. If I’m being honest I could see it on his face, and that terrified me. It wasn’t that I didn’t think the love was there, it was that I didn’t understand why it was. Since I could never recognize anything important in myself, since nobody had really ever recognized anything important in me, the fact that all of the sudden a person so raw, so precious, was standing in front of me with tears in his eyes and his heart in his hands, trying to hand it to me, didn’t click in my head. It just didn’t work. Why do you love me so much? And since I can’t see your reasoning, since I can’t understand it, does that mean one day its going to just disappear? Because at this point, I believed him.  I believed everything he ever said to me. I think ultimately I was just really scared of regretting that, the trust I was putting in him. I whine a lot about having some crazy trust issues but at the end of the day I’ll put trust in anybody who asks for it, and then when they betray that and somebody else comes along and sings me a song about being different, I’ll believe them. I always have to see the best in people, no matter what happens, and I’m pretty terrified that one day that will be my downfall.