I can't talk about it
I can't act like it's happening
I can't acknowledge its existence
because then it becomes real

I can't pretend it's not happening
I can't continue hoping it disappears
I can't even decipher if it's real
because it sneaks into every crevice

I can't say anything
I can't do anything about it
I can't move
because I can't rock the boat

I can't be myself
I can't be around people
I can't be around myself
because I'm disgusted

I can hide
I can lie
I can pretend
because that's all I can muster