I remember being told
that what I found with you, I will find again
and I did not know why but I
cried

cried
and cried
               until my body felt so heavy
            it could compare
       to how you would feel on top of it.

         your eyelids, then
    began to look like little halos
             whispering
          that they were still pure – your heart, then
            
             would beat
     every time I thought of you
   because I never
ever
ever
could stop
   (even when I was lying to myself,
           I only wanted to lie about you).

for weeks, then
I only knew how to speak
                      in organs and flesh
                      in fluids and ***

when all I needed was a way to explain
          that
  somehow, when we met

                     we found a corner of the earth
     no one had
ever
ever
ever seen before
              and we inhabited it together
         so no one else would find it again.