the last time I shared about my affair,
i spoke of the end.
yet here we are again.

the devil,
so loving
so cunning
so addictive
so noxious.

for a moment,
i found myself no longer feeling affection for him.
no longer wanting to attend to his every want & need.
no longer caring whether or not he noticed my absence.
'I hate him and if I see him, I swear I'll tell him that.'
lies.
all. lies.

i knew he was ruinous, detrimental to my health.
however..
to my heart, he was the universe.
to my body, he was the crème de la crème.
to my soul, he was all i craved.

but to my mind..
he was poison.
infecting my thoughts daily..
every second of the day.
yet i still played it cool and kept my distance.

one day, it hit me.
like a baseball was pitched at 90 miles per hour
aimed right at my head.
and then i missed him.

i missed his smile,
his laugh,
his voice,
his smell,
his touch.

i missed the way we ******.
the way he never failed to make me ****** a thousand times.
the undeniable skinship we shared.

i missed his mind.
a never-ending labyrinth that i had no problem getting lost in.
a dark yet beautiful & comfortable place.

i knew that reconciliation was an option.
but as usual,
my mind & heart could not concur.

ultimately,
it was what i wanted.
and so it was.

unsurprisingly,
he accepted me with open arms.
'I miss you too baby.'
sigh. he knew it was inevitable too.

he isn't all bad.
he isn't all good either though.
after all, he is still the devil.
and i am hopelessly & irrevocably  in love  with him.

[r.r.r.w]