Andractive

For some strange reason I can't imagine you leaving me
And that leaves me with this staggering thought that I might be the one to run away one day
And I think maybe you have that thought too
You're always telling me I'm scared of a lot of things and so I choose to run away from them
And I want to argue
But
My dad taught me how to leave
And I've never really stayed a day in my life since
I try and convince you I'm just being cautious
But you can tell that's not it

My tummy rumbles when I'm with you
And I lie and say you give me butterflies
But really that's just stomach crouching behind my spine
I'm sorry I write these essays
And call them love letters
I'm sorry
But if I don't
IM stuck with all these paragraphs in my head
And they get in bed with me ,
Waiting , for a splint amount if sleep to emerge before ripping me apart from the inside out.

But i'll try and stop
Even if they infest me , silently and unexpectedly like an army of ants
Or as harshly and violently as a waves colliding into one another
I'll stop
Because one 3am letter about cognitivity is a ccompliment
but 6 letters on the same subject is nothing but a shame
The fine line between you holding me
and you holding me hostage is  wearing
so thin that I can hardly see it
-Allie