the emptiness i feel
a gaping hole in my center
is not relief like they suggest
the bursting in my heart
the tearing, searing feeling
is not happiness or new found holiness
today was not the resolution
but another day in hell
the hottest yet
what happens in 9 weeks
does not go away in one day
i did not want to remember today
how it felt, what it looked like
but now i feel robbed by the anesthetic and ativan
i do not have the closure
how do i mourn what felt like a dream
suffocating guilt
unbearable loneliness
and so much red.