i seethe when i hear your name i hate it!

hate it! hate it! hate it!

why are you so far in my head why are you pulling all the strings why are you yanking my chain and letting me walk like a dog who's been in the yard all week and is tired of smelling his own **** and wants to go smell some other dog's ****

how did i let you in isn't there a rule against this you feel like a vampire you ****** up all my happiness and confidence don't you have to ask before crossing a doorway did you ask or did i invite you in

i've cried so many nights and i lie and say my medication needs to be upped and that i'm just in a bad place but if i'm being honest here, and i'm trying to be honest, as honest as you were not, you lit everything inside of me on fire and watched me burn and only when i asked if something was cooking did you call the fire department

i've cried enough tears to put out three of me three of what you lit inside of me and i want to cry now and the tears are at the brim of my eyes and peeking out and murmuring nervously they don't know if they're ready to stop yet they just started existing and now they're about to stop and die and there's no hotline for them to call what do they do they retreat back today they take deep breaths and use coping skills

tomorrow they will take breaths and using coping skills and tell a trusted adult in their life when they wanna fall over the brim and cease to be