I am so hungry—though I will not eat.
I am so tired—though I will not sleep.
And to think just moments ago
I was breezing down the highway,
Speakers blasting, vibrating sweet
Rhythms along my thighs: It would
Make the sky weep.
I sit at a window and
for once my world is engulfed in total silence.
The sun shines through my window.
I’ve never seen a window so real.
Never have I fogged up the glass
with more zeal, as my adamant fingers
scribble an “M.” and it fades.
You see, I am just that—“M”
nothing defines me more acutely
than the letter
—how I desire to truncate
the remaining, straggling letters of its
completion—it is sinful.
Because, really, all I want is
to be alone, and ain’t that selfish?
Ain’t it selfish to desire silence
when the world is alive with the sounds of
love, song, laughter.
I reject those things.
Everything is temporary
and it seems easier to lose them
than to never have had them at all.
And, oh, it hurts.
So sick am I of being hurt.
Though it is easier to sacrifice
than to be sacrificed. And so I forsake thee,
sounds of the universe.
I shall sit in my quiet corner.
And lady time nor the remaining letters of my name shall be the wiser.